Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Holy Crazy, Judith...

Publishers Weekly kindly summarizes the Harpers Bazaar article by and about - of course - Judith Regan. They rightly note with amazement the accompanying photo of Regan, by photographer David Turner:

Oh my crazy.

I love a good martyr as much as the next fallen Catholic, but this woman makes herself out to be a modern St. Francis of Assisi, and I think she needs a bit of perspective. I'd like to note that, at one point in reading her article, I actually was hearing it in Michael Jackson's voice. I think it was when she called the media "vicious," which was hilarious, like a longstanding politician going on about how much he hates politics.

People, click now. This article is just... it's like Whitney Houston, Celine Dion and Dolly Parton at once, with a dollup of syrupy sugar on top. It's Lifetime meets Bravo. It's like the photos of a tabloid coming to life, speaking, using the same rhetoric employed by the tabloids themselves.

They tried to hurt me, and maybe they did, but I know this much is true: You can take your punches, and you can take everything away from me, but no one will ever hijack my imagination, my drive, my creative spirit, or my dignity.

Judith, you're my own personal Dreamgirl...

She made her fortune selling books like Drew Barrymore's Little Girl Lost and Howard Stern's disgusting tomes, not to mention Rush Limbaugh! And really, I'm honored that you've given us the James McGreevey story.

And as for OJ...

With time came my vindication on the O.J. front, people say. The Simpson book, published by another company, was a number-one best seller: number one on Amazon and Barnes & Noble online, number two on the New York Times list. Though some had buried their heads in the sand and said they'd never carry it, they
did. Now, as I'd always maintained, the book is regarded by many, including the Goldman family, as a confession.

Yes, you win, Judith. American culture was certainly bumped up a notch with this publication. We got smarter, our reputation the world over improved, and I'm sure the Goldmans are hardly even grieving anymore. I hope they sent a Thank You card.

And I didn't even mention that people claimed, she said, that she had male genitalia. I spit up my yoghurt like a one year old when I read that line. Just gorgeous. Oh, would that Ann Coulter writes such an article...

I can appreciate her realization of her own controlling nature, her need to leave her office. We editors have this problem, we don't know when to let go, when to move on. People do spend many hours at work in publishing, and most of us aren't saving lives, we're not fighting evil. Books are important to me, but my office ain't the ER. So good, she got some perspective on that, but... um... It was Aaron Spelling perspective, like a rich person giving their "help" a Christmas bonus to make themselves feel better.

Good luck on your journey, Judith. But please suspend the inevitable production of any album of music, and just keep writing this tripe. It's delicious, if not a bit rich. You could do a column with Billy Masters (note before clicking: gay content! and may not all be SFW) and you'll surely find a whole new and very excited readership. Be strong, woman, and don't let the haters get you down!

No comments:

Sociable